Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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