sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
