The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
