the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think my vagina is haunted
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
