were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
