my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
