I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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