i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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