During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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