I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
