I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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