i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
