does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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