Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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  (347): apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road. http://tfl.nu/bhjm
  Replies (56) Good night (851) Bad night (4819)
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  (858): View more from California

  Do you think there is vodka in heaven?

  (619): View more from California

  you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity

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  (858): Do you think there is vodka in heaven? (619): you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity http://tfl.nu/y8gk
  Replies (81) Good night (4182) Bad night (924)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them

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  (724): I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them http://tfl.nu/zqoq
  Replies (14) Good night (874) Bad night (3661)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (16879) Bad night (940)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
  Replies (30) Good night (5686) Bad night (943)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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  (202): He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like. http://tfl.nu/n0vb
  Replies (6) Good night (3122) Bad night (896)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.

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  (479): I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics. http://tfl.nu/bo11
  Replies (7) Good night (4059) Bad night (888)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!

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  (604): Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car! http://tfl.nu/7dcx
  Replies (6) Good night (4960) Bad night (1165)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

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  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4391) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,

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  (413): Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you..., http://tfl.nu/l3w4
  Replies (14) Good night (1314) Bad night (568)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER

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  (704): she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER http://tfl.nu/3kwv
  Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (465)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Is that weird?

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  (508): We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am? (913): Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/18nc
  Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?

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  (256): It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me? http://tfl.nu/7mmq
  Replies (7) Good night (1275) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

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  (612): He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket. (1-651): It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm. http://tfl.nu/ei3h
  Replies (8) Good night (2360) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".

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  (859): Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises". http://tfl.nu/cuat
  Replies (11) Good night (342) Bad night (780)

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