this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants