My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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