I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.