Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.