the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.