i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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