Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
