He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
