Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
