I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
