They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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