He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
