I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
