i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
