I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
