I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize