This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
