I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
