I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize