Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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