HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
