Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize