you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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