You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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