You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
