I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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