O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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