no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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