if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
