yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
