so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
