I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
