I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
