the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
