Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
