A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
