Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
