I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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