I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize