I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
