Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's shark week go big or go home
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
