why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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