Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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