can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
