We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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