basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
