that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
