Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
