Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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