As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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