You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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