i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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