why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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