One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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